Ranting, Emergencies, and hatred of phones

Define the term "Emergency." If I ask you if something is an emergency, what would you take that to mean?

We had no power at work. The main transformer caught fire. We have 2 electricians and 2 helpers for the entire campus. The electrical grid across campus is antiquated and in bad repair--everything is falling apart. Every time we make an electrical repair, the increased load on the rest of the system causes something else to blow.

The same goes for water systems, gas lines, HVAC systems, etc. I would be willing to bet that 60% of the roofs on campus need replaced entirely. We have 2 plumbers. We have 3 HVAC workers, only one of which is actually completely qualified. We have 2 carpenters. We have 1 locksmith.

So when it's raining, the transformers short out, and we lose power. This kicks off all the HVAC systems, which means the HVAC techs have to go around and turn off all the HVAC systems with 3 phase motors, otherwise all the motors and condensors and such burn out when power returns to the system. Probably 85% of the roofs across campus leak when it rains, not to mention all the backed up drains and such. Furthermore, anytime anyone moves a vehicle across the ground--be it a fire truck, a bucket-truck, a delivery vehicle, or whatever, we get broken gas and water lines.

So, in the middle of a particularly bad rainstorm, when we've just had the fire department there to put out the fire on the main transformer, and we don't have any electricity on campus, and all over the place buildings are flooding, sewers are backing up, and so forth, if you call me with a maintenance request (and if I'm answering the phones, that means that the phones are ringing off the hook and/or we're running really short on personnel) and I ask you if it's an emergency--what sort of work request had it better be if you say "Yes it is."? I'm thinking life safety issues, followed by items which could cause serious and permanent damage to the University.

Not roof leaks that have been there for (no shit) 20 years or more--why did you place your computer under that leak anyway, if you have known it was there for 20 years?

Not telling me your power is out--I know it's out, because if it's out where you are, I'm sitting in the dark too. And don't ask me when it will be back on--it will be when we can get it done. We don't want to sit in the dark either. We didn't turn the power off ourselves, and we didn't schedule the power outage. You've been having these power outages every time it rains for at least 10 years. My company has been here for 10 months, and you've given us half a mil to do $500 Million+ worth of necessary repairs. We've got 2 electricians, which is what you allowed us to hire--neither of which is actually certified or fully qualified--but those are the two you gave us when we came in. Please don't act surprised and shocked after 10 years or more of this shit, when we don't immediately restore power to the entire campus.

And you had definitely not, after telling me this is an emergency, under these conditions, and being yourself a University Staff Member, proceed to give me a long list of shit like missing peepholes, closet doors off track, keys you would like copied for closet doors, and other plainly NON-FUCKING-EMERGENCY-SHIT-LIKE-THIS! I swear by all the gods ever conceived that I WILL GO POSTAL. I WILL GO COMPLETELY APE SHIT.

I have NO PATIENCE in Emergency situations. NONE. Fucking Ti-Ti. Any other time I will be perfectly reasonable with you--even if I don't like you. But in a bonafide emergency I do not have time to play silly-buggers. I am not a nice person; I do not like people. I am amazing in an emergency--otherwise I wouldn't be here. I was not brought to Alabamastan for my sparkling personality or my fashion sense or my ability to engage in the pseudo-intellectual circle-jerk of PC buzz-word spouting. I'm here because people recognized that I get shit done, and can improvise, adapt, and generally kludge shit together as needed. I'm doing this in the office because that's where I'm needed. I'm not a computer whiz, but I can make the computer do what we need done, and I am one of the few office-pukes you'll meet who understands the office is there to support the folks who do the real work--not to obstruct and delay and give certain folks an air-conditioned seat in which to get swivel-chair spread. I was brought here because shit is falling apart all the time, and there are an average of 5 low-grade emergencies every day, at least 2 mid-level emergencies every week, and every 3 weeks or so there is a major emergency just on the edge of actual life endangerment for someone.

Anytime the folks at work decide they care more about playing games, spouting pc-buzzwords, and preserving feelings than they do about fixing problems and protecting lives and property, all they gotta do is tell me, and I'll leave with a smile. Until that time, either lead, follow, or get the fuck outta my way. And don't waste my friggin' time. I have places already picked out to hide the bodies if necessary.